FanPost

NFL RULE CHANGES

 Today like everyone already knows, some interesting rule changes have been introduced into the NFL. These changes (like always) take away from the brutality of the game of football. Soon QB's wont have to worry so much about being sacked but instead, having their flag pulled. These rules include "having an equal number of players on on-side kicks (no more than 5 players on one side), Offensive players can no longer blind side block defensive players (Ex, the Hines Ward play), and finaly defensive players can no longer go low on QB's even if they are blocked to the ground". The press has gone wild with these rule changes. Here are some examples.

 

"After every play, all 22 players on the field have exactly fifteen seconds to flex, pose, and thump their chests to demonstrate that they are all the best athlete in the entire world"-(http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/nfl-rules-2009.php)

"Absolutely, positively no roughhousing

If a player brings a cupcake to the game, he must bring enough cupcakes for everyone

A fifth quarter has been added to each game, with the third quarter having been removed to make room for it

On-field speed limit of 10 miles per hour

When an offensive lineman and a defensive lineman grapple, tickling will incur a fifteen yard penalty

Quarterbacks can only run diagonally, defensive linemen can only run in a line that's perpendicular or horizontal to the line of scrimmage, and whites are not allowed to play at the running back position

Any player caught sobbing or openly crying must run ten laps around the stadium

In order to establish possession, a wide receiver must bring the ball to his body without losing control, touch both of his feet in the field of play, and go through a bitter court battle with the ball's previous owner

No running near the pool

Members of the coaching staff are not allowed to steal play call signals from the opposing team, nor are they allowed to dive and intercept kisses that were clearly blown toward someone else

Do not feed Torbo

In the event that an athlete dies on the field, the play will effectively be ruled as a "do-over" and his surviving family will be evenly distributed to the rest of his teammates upon the conclusion of the game

Touchdowns are now worth five points, uncanny impersonations of Jack Nicholson are worth eight

Linemen are not allowed to commandeer medical carts and plow through the other team unless they can prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that their legs are really tired

The pregame coin toss has been replaced with a pregame discussion of Cormac McCarthy's The Road

Players must pay for any pumpkins they damage while running through Old Man Tarver's crop on the 30 yard line

When the ball is fumbled and like twenty guys are crammed in a pile fighting over it, ten points will be awarded if a player manages to sneak out with the ball and casually clean his fingertips while everyone keeps fighting

During night games, the points are doubled and the uniforms are skimpier

After 140 years of careful consideration, we have finally made our decision: All employees of the NFL are urged to vote for Ulysses S. Grant in the presidential election" -(http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/nfl-rules-2009.php)

What do you think?

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of Stampede Blue's writers or editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of Stampede Blue's writers or editors.

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