5 Players You'd like to Kick in the Nuts

I have to get ready and go to work, or I’d take the time to put these in order and explain my choices more thoroughly. Alas, I gotta go save the world… So here are the 5 players I’d like to kick in the junk…

1. Shawn Merriman
2. Willie McGinnist
3. Philip Rivers
T4. Nick Harper – see below
T4. Ben Roethlisberger – I’m still holding a grudge for the ’05 playoff game
5. Eddie George

1. T.O. no explanation necessary. 2.Albert Haynesworth because he stomped on that cowgirls helmetless head. 3. Phillip Rivers because he’s a little girl when he’s on the sidelines screaming at opposing fans. 4.Junior Seau because he’s a patriot and he just looks like he needs a good spanking. 5. Bill I’m an ass Belichick for the way he behaves after he loses.

5) Rodney Harrison – Cheater. Cheater. Cheater. Loud mouth. Cheater

4) Shawne Merriman – See above

3) Brett Favre – Spoiled & Selfish. I used to like him and it really pisses me off that I can’t anymore because of his retiring/unretiring/retiring/unretiring media whining sessions.

2) Phillip Rivers – Big Loud Mouth Puke. ‘nuff said

1) Tom Brady – of course. Arrogant *&%#$ who would be nothing without Belicheat and Spygate. I’m convinced.

My favorite picture of Tommy boy:

Here’s to making it to September!!

The guy can, and should, play as long as he wants. Listen, Green Bay did the right thing going with Rodgers. They needed to look to the future, but lets be real here… Packers management are a bunch of asses, they wanted to force Farve in retirement so that he wouldn’t play for the Vikings.

Bottom line, let Farve play for the Vikings. He has been gracious towards Aaron Rodgers (see the Joe Buck interview) and has been clear that his issue is with Packers management who are known pricks. I wish Farve the best.

Some of you people just buy into the media “building people up just to tear them down” routine. Stop being haters.

1. Mike Vanderjagt – No explanation necessary.
2. Willie McGinest – Never will forget the injury he faked on the Colts final drive against the Patriots in a 2003 game at the RCA Dome. He stalled the Colts offense when the Pats had no timeouts remaining by faking an injury, then came back on the final play and made a goal line stop on Edge. Pisses me off writing this.
3. Philip Rivers – Why is he so ugly and still beating the Colts?
4. Kellen Winslow – You are not a soldier.
5. Ron Artest – Hey, there wasn’t an NFL player stipulation.

The entire Patriots organization
Most of the people in the Chargers organization
Most of the people in the Titans organization
Ochosucko
Vadershank
Michael Vick
Emmitt Smith because he’s stupid and really annoying to listen to
Brandon Marshall
Albert Haynesworth
DeAngelo Hall

#1: Mike Vanderjagt – I would kick him repeatedly, for a long time, and then I’d invite DZ over to my house where he’s tied up and watch him destroy Vanderjagt. It would be therapeutic for all.

#2: Gilbert Gardner – Only #2 because he didn’t cost us a Super Bowl.

#3: Willie McGinest – The 2003 Patriots game was the second NFL game I ever went to (The 1998 Jets game was the first), and Willie McGinest ruined it. I was 13 at the time and just really getting into football, and even I could tell that he faked that injury.

#4: Albert Haynesworth – I will never forgive him for that stomp until he has a chance to feel what that poor player felt. I would make sure that he has that opportunity.

#5: Phillip Rivers – What an arrogant little……………………

Ah, that felt good.

1. Shawne Merriman – no explanation needed
2. Steven Jackson – He burned me a couple years back when I drafted him in FF.
3. LenDale White – Annoying
4. Rex Grossman – Just because it’s Rex…
5. Phillip Rivers – classless

1. Favre. By far.
2. Tedy Bruschi. What a douchebag.
3. TO. Obviously.
4. Jack Del Rio. Deserves it.
5. Brannon Condren. He’s a punk.

Phillip Rivers - Seriously. You’ve done nothing in your career. You’ve had LT in your backfield since you started playing QB for the Chargers. Also, as of right now, the Eli Manning to Giants trade favors Eli, and not you. He has a ring, you don’t. Learn to shut your mouth and respect the players that came before you and the game of football itself.

Mike Vanderjagt- I don’t know why the Colts didn’t cut him when he missed that field goal against Tampa Bay on Monday night. Obviously, he couldn’t make a kick in pressure situations then, what made you think he was a few years later against a Wild Card team. Hmm.

Rodney Harrison/Teddy Bruschi/Tom Brady/Randy Moss- Really, all of the Patriots players the past 6-7 years can fit here, for obvious reasons.

Brett Favre - If you say you’re going to retire, then just flippin’ retire. Quit coming back and making it a huge soap opera on ESPN / NFL Network. I have better things to do, then contemplate the possibilities of you just choking near the end of another season again.

Maurice Jones-Drew / Darren Sproles – I know I’m not the only one that’s seen these guys in my nightmares. God.

Rodney Harrison
Merriman
Rivers
Kyle Turley
TO

I have no real problem with Brady—wiith the media… that’s another issue. And as annoying to non-Pats fans as Pats fans can be, well, I suspect that is universal. They are who they are, only louder. More or less the same with Favre—it’s the media whirlwind that swoons over his every word and gesture that annoys me, not the man himself.
Roethlisberger might have been on this list a few years ago, but I’ve grown to like him. Moss probably would have made the list beofre his career resurgence (I don’t like pouty quitters). Surprised no Raiders come to mind… unless I can include retired douchebags like Romanowski.

Oooh, as long as we are redressing Colt playoff losses, I must include Kordell “What back of the endzone?” Stewart (along with the ref he rode in on) and Dave “Ghost to the Post” Casper and his sidekick Ken Stabler.

5. Desean Jackson

4. Shawn Fairyman

3. Matt Hasselback

2. Alan Branch

1. Lil Wayne

1. Drew Bledsoe: For creating Tom Brady.
2. Nick Harper’s wife.
3. The head of the NFL Network.
4. Erin Andrew’s boyfriend.
5. Chris Berman: For general terribleness and for taking the nickname Boomer.

I must be the only Colts fan who doesn’t have Philip Rivers.

I’ll do that.

1. Vince Young
2. Philip Rivers
3. Terrell Owens
4. Brett Favre
5. Chris Johnson

Not even one Pat could make the list, huh? They fill in the runner-up positions along with Tony Romo.

1. LenDale White – The guy scores 1 and 2 yards TDs behind one of the best OL in the league, and thinks he’s the greatest RB in the game. Decides this off-season, before a contract year, that he’d lose weight and get in shape. I pity the team that eventually signs him.

2. Hines Ward – Everytime he gets that shit-eating grin knocked off of him, I get the same grin.

3. Romeo Crennel – Quite possibly the worst head coach in the history of the league. My hatred for him comes from his treatment of only one player, and those of you who have been around here for a while know who I’m talking about.

4. Byron Leftwich – I share BBS’s feeling on ol’ Fatty McButterpants.

5. Matt Leinart – After Leinart got sacked on 2nd down in 2005, that 3rd down play was the loudest stadium I’ve ever been in, indoors or outdoors. To then come within inches of knocking down 4th and 9, and Zbikowski hitting him too hard, knocking the ball out of bounds, then him getting initially stopped before the “Push”. Nothing pleases me more than seeing him holding a clipboard.

… my five are

1) Phillip Rivers – Absolute zero class who needs a punch in the face more than any professional athlete I can ever recall watching.

2) Shawn Merriman – He’s a cheater who seems to celebrate the fact that he cheated.

3) Rodney Harrison – He’s a cheater who seems OK with the fact that he cheated.

4) Tom Brady – Arrogant. “Only 17 point? Okay!”

5) Randy Moss — it’s wrong to consider someone the greatest at his position when he obviously pulled a Vince Carter and played poorly on purpose in order to be traded.

rodney harrison… who did the pats pay off to allow this cheater to stay on the field.
TO – now that he is in Buffalo, even in Toronto you can’t get away from him.
Ty Law – how the hell did he keep picking peyton off
Walt Coleman.. and not just for playoff games. I know he isn’t a player, but half the league probably would love to slap him upside the head.
Albert Haynesworth – I don’t care what he said after the stomping incident.. he doesn’t deserve to play and I would love to see the same done to him.

Philip Rivers – obnoxious punk ass
Shawn Merriman – cheater
Rodney Harrison – cheater, dirty player
Randy Moss – quit while in Oakland (even though it was Oakland) and now is just the best team player ever
Vanderjerkoff – missed the 48 yarder and then nonchalantly hit it on Letterman, liquored up idiot kicker

Tom Brady
Tom Brady
Tom Brady
Then I’d get in a time machine, travel back to 5 mins. before Tom Brady’s conception and kick his future father in the clankers, thereby preventing the birth of Tom Brady from ever occurring.

1. Vandy – never hit a big kick that actually meant anything. Talked Dungy into bringing him back in 05 so he could miss the biggest kick of his career after arrogantly pointing at Cowher moments before the snap.

2. Nick Harper – I think any other player on the field at the time would have scored on that fumble recovery in 2005. Why were you looking behind you?? The only guys behind you were your own teammates. Why did you run straight at the only player on the field capable of tackling you? You had the entire sideline and that was our year.

3. Joey Porter – no explanation necessary. I hate him 1000 times more than Merriman and Rodney Harrison combined

4. The ref who missed Kordell Stewart running out of bounds in the 95 AFCCG. That and about 5 other freak things kept the Colts from going to their first SB since coming to Indy.

5. The Music City Miracle – for some reason, I just can’t stand that play and how the Bills let it happen….not to mention the Titans beat us the following week.

And yes I would punch the Music City Miracle square in the face as soon as I figure out how to do it.

1. Favre – For ruining such a great legacy.

2. Rodney Harrison – For cheating on and off the field.

3. Hines Ward and his stupid, cocky grin.

4. Lendale White – This guy thinks he is way better than he actually is.

5. Jerry Jones – I know he isn’t a player, but I can’t stand this guy.

• Tom Brady – I would ignore his nuts and kick him in the ACL.
• Shawn Merriman – Steroids cause shrinkage, so there may not be anything to kick.
• Charlie Weis – Either his nuts are safe behind a protective sphere of belly fat or he ate them years ago.

First off, I would not be the one kicking them…. May be Rocky Balboa

1. Brady and his coach
2. Darren Sproles- rivers never beat us, it was the backs.
3. ESPN- I know they are not players… But some of them were
4. Vanderjerk
5. Rodney Harrison

1. Tom Brady
2. Phillip Rivers
3. LenDale White
4. Brett Favre
5. Tony Romo

5. Roidney Harrisonofabitch
4. Tom Badny
3. Vander…can’t even finish it. Sofa King Glad he’s finished.
2. Nick ‘Cuts Like A Knife’ Harper. Shoulda made Brackett’s play on Bettis at the 1 one of the greatest in NFL History. Then Bettis (who I want on this list) goes on to win a fixed Super Bowl Ring with 3 Toed Sloethlisberger (who I also want on this list for winning a Super Bowl completing 3 passes and NOT scoring a rushing touchdown).
1. Aaron Bailey. Close your legs and we go to the Super Bowl.

1. Philip Rivers: Poor Sport, Mouths off to fans, Immature.
2. Chris Collinsworth: Never has ANYTHING good to say about the colts. And now he’s replacing Madden. Oh Great… get ready to Football with the sound off.
   #3. Darren Sproles: I have nothing against him but he is annoying because he must be made out of colts Kryptonite.
   #4. Jeff George: What a waste.
   #5. Quinn Pitcock: see #4 plus a quitter.

1.) Philip Rivers – He thinks he’s so hard, his face irks me, especially when his mouth is slightly open….GRRRRRR

2.) Correy Dillon – Ugly, ugly, horrible man…If you have the AFC Championship game DVR’d, his reaction to the Samuel’s INT that put the Pat’s up by 18 (runs around screaming, then puts his stank face on and says “HERE WE GO” “HERE WE GO”)was one of the most thug ignorant tirades I have ever seen.

3.) Wes Welker – Great player that is classless and a douchbag. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ap-4KAs26g8 Who screams “you Fuc*ing suck!” to someone in the NFL like that? especially against the best secondary of the decade…When I saw this live I stopped appreciation of his skills altogether

4.) Rodney Harrison – Sucks, Broke his shoulder trying to cover Dallas Clark. HAHAHAHA

5.) The Chargers Punter that put his team on his back in last years playoff game and single handedly won the game.

Tim Jennings? – He makes below average receivers look like Randy freakin Moss, Stop getting caught on dude, I don’t care how fast you are

1. Brady- a dick, the media darling and then some of the NFL, is constantly (and laughably) compared to Manning, is the most beloved and overhyped system QB to ever grace the earth. Runs up scores on teams, cries when he loses and doesn’t shake hands, tried to punk the steelers safety who called them out (classy, tom), acted like the TD record meant nothing to him even though he was throwing 70 yard bombs on the 0-14 dolphins with a four touchdown lead in the fourth quarter. Who knows, he may be a cool guy to hang out with, but all I see is a douchy football player who receives WAY to much love.

2. Rivers- MIght have slid into 1B after the last two seasons’ shenanigans. Talking trash to our fans instead of being classy and concentrating on the game. Oh, and the fact that his TEAM (not him) has had our number in the playoffs for a while. And, of course, the “experts” have mentioned him in the same sentence as Manning and have even given him MUCH undeserved credits for those wins. Still 8-8 in a garbage division.

3. Rodney Harrison- Another NE D-bag who deserves to be jumped after every game he ever played in. Foxborough is just covered in scum. How can anyone like these guys, outside of braindead chowda heads, I’ll never know.

4. TO- the pansiest, whiniest, it’s everyone’s fault but my own, team cancer. Blames every QB he has because he can’t accept that he sucks. He still doesn’t realize the quarterback, not the WR, leads the team and calls the plays on offense. Worse than anything, he made me like Donovan McNabb.

5. Vince Young- Thinks he’s good. Cries to be traded. Wants to be a star. News flash: you had one good game in college, you suck as a pro, you will never be a star, no one likes you. Shut up already.

HON MENTION- MIchael Vick for killing dogs, Mike Vanderjagt for costing us a super bowl and being a complete ass clown, Lendale White for being fat and worthless, and Darren Sproles for breaking my heart last year in the playoffs.

1. Chris “Turkey Neck” Collinsworth – Tom “Stetson” Brady would be number one, but since no one can seem to remove his nuts from Collinsworth’s mouth I’ll kick him instead.

2. Rodney Harrison – For all the reasons listed above and now we get to listen to him spew his shit every Sunday night.

3. Phillip “Beavis” Rivers – Just once it’d be nice to see this guy show some class on the sideline.

4. ESPN – Yes their entire staff. The most slanted NFL coverage outside of NBC Sunday Night Football.

5. Jack “Of The River” Del Rio – Just once could you shut your damn mouth? I’ve never seen a team with that much talent over the years continually choke becuase they can’t control their emotions. At least its a plus for the Colts.

in the off-season, mid-week, in less than a day, with no actual news event to spur us on.

Just the simple joy of an innocent monkey knife fight. Or in this case, the opportunity to kick someone in the groin.

Most impressive. Sadly, I now have a much better understanding of who reads and posts on this site. You all disgust me. I love you.

He’d probably kick me right back, even harder..

Everyone hates the patriots. Everyone who can remember 1995 hates the refs AND Kordell Stewert. I would hate Belicheat too, but he gets some kind of sick satisfaction out of being hated. So I’d just give him an awkward hug and feed him to big fat Charlie Weiss. So, here are five other players or otherwise football type people I would like to kick in the jewels.
5. ESPN – Dammit, I don’t care about the dallas cowgirls. Nobody does. They haven’t won a playoff game since December of ‘96 (yeah, I looked that up). Talk about some of the other teams around the league. I’m tired of hearing about the cowgirls.

4. T.O. and Ochositnko. Of course we all know ocho cinco just means “eight, five” – not eighty-five. But to make it worse, Chad accidentally wrote it as one word when he requested his name change, so the NFL had the jerseys printed up that way. T. O. just goes with out saying.

3. Greg Lloyd – a decent guy as far as I know, but he was the only player Jim Harbaugh was actually afraid of.

2. Jack Del Rio – Probably repeating what others have said, but he’s a classless little turd of a man.

1. Peter King and any other media type who is super gay for Tom Brady. It was funny to watch King choke up last year right after Brady’s unfortunate injury, saying as if he were pleading for someone to change fate, “the NFL NEEDS Tom Brady!” Although I think he admitted that Manning is a better player, he’s still deeply and annoyingly in love with Brady.

I cant believe it took me so long to come to your blog to see you have replicated my piece from BTSC. LOVE IT! Great to see as much interest in it as there was at BTSC

My 5 still stand…keep on keeping on StampedeBlue!!

1. Mike Scifres
2. Ron Winter
3. Tom Brady
4. Willie McGinest
5. Philip Rivers

1. Hines Ward
2. Hines Ward
3. Hines Ward
4. Hines Ward
5. Hines Ward

Just got back from a week of vacation, so I’m weighing in late. No one will probably see my list on this buried post, but here goes.

1) Jerramy Stevans – I should link that story as explanation, but nobody will read this. And I’m too lazy right now…

2) Hines Ward – Stupid grin.

3) Walt Coleman – Grrr!

4) Chris Collinsworth – This will be a punch to the face, which will be equal to kicking Brady. That’s called killing two birds with one stone. (Or in this case, killing two stones with one bird =p)

5) Mike Vandershank – our former liquored-up kicker

Dishonorable Mentions – Willie McGinnest, Belichick, Welker, Rodney Harrison, Rivers, Al Davis (though I suspect he feels nothing), Rob Parker (since we’re including media), Deion Sanders, Nick Harper and Quinn Pitcock.