Former Colts CB Tim Jennings Makes a Special Announcement

Former Colts DB Tim Jennings, now with the Chicago Bears, recently revealed some information regarding his success with the Colts.

"The Patriots coaching staff told me about this really cool stuff called ‘Bacon Grease’," Jennings said in an interview. "They said that their cornerbacks do it all the time. It improves speed and grip. They say that’s the secret to Jonathan Wilhite’s achievements."

Jennings is best known for being in the general vicinity of a Matt Schaub pass one time last season- an event known to Colts fans as impressive as "seeing the Loch Ness Monster playing poker with the Abominable Snowman while Big Foot is cooking a pot roast."

As far as I know, no one has notified Jennings that the Patriots may have actually pulled a fast one on him. According to scientific studies conducted as Delaware Upper Heights University (known to those in the education circuits as "DUH University"), bacon grease does not actually improve a player's speed, nor does it improve a player's grip on a potential interception.

"We've performed many tests," said Professor R. U. Searyus claimed. "And after utilizing nearly $10 million of the taxpayer's dollars, we've come to the conclusion that Bacon Grease is not actually a performance enhancing substance. In fact, it will do the opposite. Ask [New York Jets Head Coach] Rex Ryan. He attempted to utilize Bacon Grease with his players, but ended up eating it- he's still in recovery. Any player who tried to use Bacon Grease should probably just hang up their cleats and call it a career."

Regardless of the actual science behind his attempt at enhancing his performance, Jennings says that he plans to continue his the grease practice with his new football club.