(I have no proof of anything I am saying. These are just my theories. Now, in no particular order...)
1. Curtis Painter is actually a football savant and fans simply do not know it. Although he lacks the physical abilities, his mind is lightyears ahead of everyone else's. As Stephen Hawkings is to physics, Curtis Painter is to football. He is Sid Gilman, Bill Walsh, and Vince Lombardi all rolled into one. He adds so much to Peyton Manning's game preparation that it forced Polian's hand into cutting Jim Sorgi. One day Painter's brilliance will manifest itself fully and he will become the greatest NFL head coach of all time.
2. Curtis Painter has compromising pictures of someone. HEY...I'm not sayin'. I'm just sayin'.
3. Curtis Painter won a secret contest where an average fan like us gets to wear an official Colts uniform and pretend to be an NFL QB for a couple of seasons. Curtis is actually being followed by a camera crew for a reality show that will be on par with Jersey Shore.
4. Curtis Painter is actually Peyton Manning's little cousin on his mom's side and a key member of PM's entourage. Now that I think about it, they do kind of look alike...
5. Either Jim Irsay or Bill Polian lost a bet and this is the payoff.