The Mr. Obvious Show
"Welcome back to the Mr. Obvious Show, I am your host, Mr. Obvious. It appears we have a new caller on the line, so let's take the call."
Mr. Obvious: "Hello, this is Mr. Obvious, welcome to the show."
Caller: "Hello, Mr. Obvious. Long time listener, first time caller."
Mr. Obvious: "Caller, what can I help you with today?"
Caller: "Well, Mr. Obvious, my name is Jim and I am the coach of a professional football team in Indianapolis, Indiana. Our team has been pretty good for a long time and now all of the sudden we can't win a game. In fact, we have lost every game we have played this season. My friend, Tony, used to coach the team and then I took over as coach in 2009. I have been doing everything just like Tony did since I took over the coaching duties, but all of the sudden things just aren't working any more."
Mr. Obvious: "I see. So, what you are saying is that the team won a lot of games with Tony as the coach, but now that you are the coach the team just isn't winning any more? And nothing else has changed except that you are now the coach?"
Caller: "Well, Mr. Obvious, one of our players did have surgery this past off season and he is out for the year. But, that is just one player."
Mr. Obvious: "OK, Caller. So the team changed coaches in 2009 and lost one player for this season and now you can't win a game. And, you are telling me that you are doing everything exactly like Tony did?"
Caller: "Yes, Mr. Obvious. Just like Tony did. I kept meticulous notes of everything Tony did and said while he was the coach. We come out every game and try to throw the ball down the field on offense to build up a big lead, just like Tony did. And then on defense we drop drop back into a soft Cover 2 zone coverage on every play and try to keep everything in front of us, just like Tony did. In the past, it always worked. We used to be able to score points by the bucket load on offense and then our defense would bend but not break. But, this year is suddenly different for some reason and I just don't know why. We are constantly going three and out on offense and our defense suddenly can't stop anybody from scoring."
Mr. Obvious: "Caller, I was wondering. Was this player you lost to surgery a good player?"
Caller: "Why yes, Mr. Obvious. It is almost like you are a psychic, or something. He is probably the greatest quarterback that has ever played professional football. Why do you ask?"
Mr. Obvious: "It was just a hunch. Let me ask you a question, Jim. Is there any chance that your backup quarterback is the 2nd greatest quarterback that has ever played professional football?"
Caller: "No, Mr. Obvious. Our backup quarterback, his name is Curtis, he is doing OK but he isn't near as good as our injured quarterback."
Mr. Obvious: "Jim, are you still trying to run the same offense with Curtis as the quarterback that you were running with the previous quarterback?"
Caller: "Pretty much. We have changed a couple of things to make it a little easier for Curtis, but you know what they say, If it ain't broke don't fix it."
Mr Obvious: "But Jim, it appears to me that it is broke. You just told me earlier that you haven't won a game all season."
Caller: "Well, that's true Mr Obvious, we haven't won a game all season. But this offense has always worked flawlessly in the past with our other quarterback, why should we change now?"
Mr. Obvious: "We'll get to that in a minute, Jim. Let's talk about this defense of yours. You said earlier that your defense drops back into a Cover 2 zone coverage on every play and tries to keep everything in front of them. Is that correct?"
Caller: "That is correct, Mr. Obvious. It has always worked in the past, but it just doesn't seem to be working this year for some reason."
Mr. Obvious: "Jim, I am going to make an assumption here, and I want you to tell me if I am correct."
Mr. Obvious: "In the past, when this Cover 2 zone defense of yours was working so well, were you usually playing with a big lead?"
Caller: "Wow, there you go with that psychic stuff again! Yeah, we always seemed to have a big lead before."
Mr. Obvious: "That is what I thought. And now that your 'Greatest Quarterback of All Time' is hurt, you aren't jumping out to big leads any more, are you?"
Caller: "It is like you can read my mind, Mr. Obvious. No, we aren't jumping out to big leads any more. And, our soft zone defense just doesn't seem to work any more because of it."
Mr. Obvious: "But yet, you are still doing everything exactly the same way that Tony did it?"
Caller: "Why wouldn't I, Mr. Obvious? You know what they say, If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
Mr. Obvious: "Umm, I'm not sure you really understand what that saying means, Jim."
Caller: "I don't understand what you are saying, Mr. Obvious."
Mr. Obvious: "Of course you don't, Jim. It appears to me that there is a lot of stuff out there that you probably do not understand."
Caller: "You are probably right, but if it ain't broke, don't fix it."
Mr. Obvious: "I think I can help you here, Jim. Before you say anything else, just hear me out. First off, it is broke. You don't need to take just my word for that, if you would bother to turn on the TV or radio I am sure you would hear that same thing from anybody with a brain in their head. You just lost the 'Greatest Quarterback of All Time' to injury for the whole season. And yet, you don't appear to be bright enough to realize that you should probably change the offense a little bit more to play to the strengths of your back up quarterback and his surrounding cast. As a result, your offense is struggling to even get first downs because Curtis just isn't as good as the 'Greatest Quarterback of All Time.' Perhaps you could try to run the ball a little more instead of passing so much. Maybe you could mix up the play calling a little more and try to run some shorter patterns when you do throw the ball. Maybe you could try to be a little less predictable in your play calling. Maybe mix in some West Coast offense that might be a little more suited to Curtis' strengths. And dammit Jim, everybody knows you can't run the Cover 2 with your defense on every single play of a football game. Especially if you are playing from behind. If you ever tried to do something that stupid against a really good offense you might get torched for 62 points in one game."
Caller: "Wow, there you go with that psychic thing again."
Mr. Obvious: "Shut up, Jim. Let me finish. The Cover 2 defense works best when you are up by several scores and you can then force your opponent into obvious passing situations that your defense can take advantage of. If you are falling behind early in a game, you are going to need to mix some things with your defense. Have you ever thought about watching films of your opponent's previous games and then looking for their tendencies, strengths and weaknesses and then designing your defensive game plans to try to take advantage?"
Caller: "We always watch the game films of our opponent's previous games just like Tony did. But, I guess I never realized we were supposed to be designing game plans based on what we were seeing. I thought Tony always watched those game films just because he was too cheap to go to Blockbuster and rent a real movie. But now it is all starting to make sense. I bet that little notebook he was always scribbling in was probably full of game plan ideas. I always thought he was just writing movie reviews for the local paper."
Mr. Obvious: "Of course you did, Jim."
Caller: "But, if it ain't broke, don't fix it."
Mr. Obvious: "Jim, do you consider yourself to be an intelligent man?"
Mr. Obvious: "Jim, are you still there? Is everything OK?"
Caller: "I'm sorry Mr. Obvious. Everything is OK. I was just looking through my notes to see if I could figure out how Tony would have answered that question about whether I consider myself to be an intelligent man."
Mr. Obvious: "I think your response has pretty much answered that question, Jim."
Caller: "So, can you help me with my problem, or not. I am doing everything just exactly like Tony did and for some reason it just doesn't seem to be working for me. Do you think I should try growing a beard or something?"
Mr. Obvious: "I'm sorry, Jim. After talking with you for a few minutes and asking you a few questions I am just not sure that I can help you. But, the good news is that I think I can probably help your team and the good City of Indianapolis."
Caller: "Wow, that would be great. How are you going to do that?"
Mr. Obvious: "Well, Jim, I am going to ask you for your bosses phone number. Do you know what your bosses phone number is?"
Caller: " Of course I know what my bosses phone number is. But, I don't see how that is going to help the team."
Mr Obvious: "Let's see if I can explain this to you in a way that you might understand. First, you are going to give me your bosses phone number. Then, I am going to call your boss and give him Jeff Fisher's phone number. Do you understand now, Jim?"
Caller: "I'm sorry, Mr. Obvious. I just don't understand how giving my boss Jeff Fisher's phone number is possibly going to help my team or the City of Indianapolis."
Mr. Obvious: "Of course you don't, Jim. And that, is the problem."