Colts Punter Pat McAfee Uses Twitter To Recount Story Involving, Hookers, Heroine, Booze, And Vegas

John Sommers II

Colts punter Pat McAfee is empathetic to all heroine hookers, wherever they may be.

Roughly two years ago this month, Colts punter Pat McAfee did something very stupid.

He got unbelievably wasted in the Broad Ripple neighborhood in Indianapolis and then, for reasons that only made sense to him, McAfee jumped into the Broad Ripple Canal in the wee hours of the morning, the water near freezing. McAfee then got out of the water and reportedly tried to climb into the car of a woman who was passing by. She sped away, called the police, and McAfee was arrested. At the time of his arrest, McAfee's blood alcohol level was 0.15.

When asked by the arresting officers much he'd had to drink, McAfee answered, "A lot 'cause I'm drunk."

The stunt got McAfee suspended for a game, and he was charged with a Class B misdemeanor for public intoxication. He received community service and was fined. FOX Sports listed him No. 3 in their Most Stupid Athletes slideshow that year. Fun times, fer sure, brah.

Recently, using Twitter, McAfee posted a story involving about a trip he and his bros took to Las Vegas, a trip that involved winning $9000 at a casino, going to a party with hookers & heroine, and, of course, getting wasted.

The story is titled "Cocks and Shots with Heroin and Coke."

I wish I had a witty retort for just how appropriate that title is for McAfee and his noted drunken adventures, but I don't.

The climax of the adventure is McAfee and his Vegas bros going to a porn party they'd been invited to. They walked into the shin-ding, and, per McAfee, "a 'BBC' was ramming a 'BBW' on the couch." While the sight of people having sex at a porn party got McAfee and his buddies excited ("Damn right doggie"), apparently the shock of seeing a woman McAfee describes as a "heroine ho" doing drugs in the back room was too much for Pat and is Vegas crew. They "couldn't get out of there fast enough."

I don't know how much of this story should be viewed as fact (Hard core drugs? Prostitutes? At a porn party? HOW SHOCKING! Let's get out of here before things get REALLY nuts!), but he seems to stand by the story details.

One especially elegant passage from McAfee's tweets regarding the "heroine ho":

I'd do heroine too I guess if I took things on and in places she does.

Pat McAfee. Empathetic NFL punter to heroine hos everywhere.

McAfee doesn't state when the trip took place, simply noting that it happened "when he made it to the league and had some money."

If you want to read the adventure, McAfee has it posted in seven twitter updates (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7).

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