It's official: Meet Bob Sanders, the 2007 Defensive Player of the Year

• Bob Sanders eats a whole forest each week, just so he can lay the wood on Sunday. He eats two during the playoffs. Greenpeace considers him the #1 threat to the Amazon.
  
• The NFL Network was forced by Bob's lawyer to stop airing the commercial where it shows him brushing his teeth normally, as everyone knows Bob Sanders brushes with hydrochloric acid and a toothbrush wrapped in razor wire.
  
• Bob Sanders hit Vince Young so hard, he forgot he was a starting quarterback in the NFL. He currently thinks he's a grocery clerk in Bentonville, Arkansas.
  
• Bob Sanders doesn't move to the ball. He shifts time and space itself to make the ball come to him.
  
• Dungy calls Bob Sanders "The Eraser" because once time, he hit one of the backups so hard it erased him from history. It's why he no longer practices on Thursday.
  
• There's a support group for people Bob Sanders hits. It's called "The Family, Friends, and Victims of Bob Sanders." Because when Bob Sanders hits you, he doesn't just hit you. He hits you, your family, and everyone else you know.
  
• The three pigs fairy tale was based on a true incident involving Bob Sanders. Except instead of three pigs, it was a heavily fortified castle, and instead of a wolf there was Bob Sanders. Today, we call it Stonehenge.
  
• Bob Sanders fought for Scottish independence, and some jackass named William Wallace took all the credit. Bob hit him so hard that the pieces of him flew to all the corners of England as a warning to never cross Bob Sanders.
  
• The federal government banned human cloning because they weren't sure they could stop more than one Bob Sanders.
  
• The Toho Company retired Godzilla because ten seconds into "Godzilla Vs. Bob Sanders", Bob Sanders won.
  
• Pound for pound, Bob Sanders' hair is the strongest material on Earth. NASA is reportedly looking into using it for a space elevator.
  
• Tom Brady has Bill Belichick check under his bed  every night for Bob Sanders.

It'll be like the end of "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back". He'll fly to each person's house, knock on the door, and spear tackle them.

• Bob Sanders started a rumor he fought for the English in the Revolutionary War. He didn't actually; he just wanted to lure more Patriots to him and make them think they could win.
  
• Bob Sanders was the inspiration for the video game "Hitman", except instead of a high power sniper rifle, he uses spear tackles.
  
• EA has asked Bob Sanders repeatedly to be on the cover of Madden, but he refuses to do so until they change his in-game stats to his actual stats: one million in every category..
  
• Larry Johnson was so traumatized from the beating Bob Sanders put on him during last year's playoffs, he took half the season off, just so he wouldn't have to go back to Indy.
  
• There was a Colts edition of Clue at one point, except the answer was always "Bob Sanders/In the backfield/With a spear tackle."
  
• There was also a Colts edition of Monopoly, but no one could get passed Bob Sanders Boulevard, as his tiny metal figurine would spear tackle anyone that tried to move past it.
  
• There are a lot of Colts-edition games, including a whodunit dinner murder mystery. It was abruptly pulled off shelves when it was discovered that Bob Sanders was following people home, turning the lights out, and tackling them for a loss over the course of the game.

Terry was wrong, again???  Color me shocked.