Now that all of the gophers have been peacefully coaxed out of my laptop, it's time to get to another edition of Know Your Colts History.  With the big news being Dallas Clark signing a big ol' contract to stay with the Colts, I figured it would be an especially appropriate time to get an interview with the tight end/slot receiver/fullback/H-back/popcorn man.

KYCH: Well, let's start off by talking about your new contract.  How does it feel to be the highest paid tight end in football?

Dallas: Yeah man!  It feels great!  A chunk of change like that does a wonder in embiggening your spirits.

KYCH: Embiggening?  Is that even a word?

Dallas: Yeah man!  It's a perfectly cromulent word.  As Jebediah Springfield once said "A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man."

KYCH: Well, you learn new things everyday I guess.

Dallas: Yeah man!  I just learned today that I can save a bunch of money on my car insurance by not making my payments.

KYCH: Um yeah, that's great Dallas...

Dallas: Yeah man!  I'm never in collisions anyway so I don't see why I should even bother paying so other people can get in wrecks.

KYCH: Anyways, getting back to your contract.  You had to do some dancing after you heard the deal was done right?

Dallas: Yeah man!  I was really excited so I switched things up and signed all of Freebird.

KYCH:  Really?  Freebird is like a nine minute song.

Dallas: Yeah man!  I was really exhausted by the end but it was totally worth it.  Once I was done I went to get some Gatorade so get charged up and I figured I'd try out that new G2 stuff since my boy Peyton is in one of the commercials for it.  So I walk up to the girl at the register and I'm all like "Hey, do I have any grass under my feet?"  I don't think she got the joke, but I gave her a $20 and told her to keep the change, so I think it's all good now.  It's cool because I can do that kind of stuff now that I don't have to pay car insurance.  HAHAHAHAHAHA!

KYCH: Now, let's talk about those hands of yours.  Unlike most other receivers and tight ends in the NFL, you play without gloves.  Is there a reason for that?

Dallas: Yeah man!  Once I dip my hands in that hot wax before the game, I'm set!

KYCH: Wait, you dip your hands in hot wax?

Dallas: Yeah man!  Would rather have me dip 'em in cold wax?  LOL!

KYCH: Did you just say LOL out loud?

Dallas: Yeah man!  I'm all into saying those internet words out loud!  Once I was at this basketball game, and I was all like "Hey ref, your calls are making me ROFL!"  And he was all like "Hey, you better watch it with the language."  And then I was all like "STFU!  LOL!"  Then he kicked me out, but I gave him a $20 later and it was all good.

KYCH: Now, talk a little bit about your teammate Bob Sanders.  He was your teammate at Iowa and now you're on the same team in the NFL.

Dallas: Yeah man!  Bob and I go way back.  When he was a freshman, I challenged him to an arm wrestling match and he popped my shoulder out of socket.  It sounds really gross, but it was cool because the trainer was there when it happened and he popped it back in.  When he did it, there was this noise and then my arm went numb for like 3 hours!  I was mad at Bob for a while, but then he was all like "Let me get you a Slurpee to make up for that." So I was all like "Yeah man!"  And it was all good.

KYCH: So do you say "Yeah man!" to everything?

Dallas: Yeah man!  LOL!