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Patriots are scared of Bill Polian

On the heels of The New England Patriots crying to the NFL because they are afraid of him, a user over at the Indy Star message boards decided to compare Bill Polian with Chuck Norris:

When Bill Polian calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.

Bill Polian once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

There are no races, only countries of people Bill Polian has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

When Bill Polian was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

Bill Polian can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.

A Bill Polian-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

When Bill Polian falls in water, Bill Polian doesn't get wet. Water gets Bill Polian.

Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1BPRhK (Bill Polian Roundhouse Kick)

Bill Polian's house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

Bill Polian doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

Bill Polian CAN believe it's not butter.

If tapped, a Bill Polian roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

Bill Polian can divide by zero.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Bill Polian has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

A picture is worth a thousand words. A Bill Polian is worth 1 billion words.

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Bill Polian roundhouse kick.

While urinating, Bill Polian is easily capable of welding titanium.

Bill Polian once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.

When Bill Polian talks, everybody listens. And dies.

Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Bill Polian calls this "a slow Tuesday."

When taking the SAT, write "Bill Polian" for every answer. You will score over 8000.

Bill Polian invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

Bill Polian has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

On his birthday, Bill Polian randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Bill Polian.

Bill Polian has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.

Bill Polian grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Bill Polian"

Bill Polian ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Bill Polian doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Bill Polian. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.

It takes Bill Polian 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Bill Polian will find you and kill you.

Bill Polian has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.

Bill Polian once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

Thousands of years ago Bill Polian came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.

Bill Polian played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

It takes 14 puppeteers to make Bill Polian smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.