No, I do not actually think that Jaguars.com senior writer Vic Ketchman is an actual male hooker. However, for whatever reason, his name has always conjured up that hilarious Dan Aykroyd skit from SNL titled Fred Garvin: Male Prostitute.
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You remember the skit, right? Margot Kidder was guest starring on SNL, and she played a business woman staying in a hotel on a business trip. Her company sends up a prostitute for her in the form of Fred Garvin: Male Prostitute. If you ever get a chance to see Aykroyd's Best of SNL, the Fred Garvin skit is one of the best all-time. Rank it up there with "Cow Bell," "The Continental," and pretty much any other SNL skit that guest stars Christopher Walken.
Now, even though Vic Ketchman is not a male whore, he most certainly whores for the Jacksonville Jaguars. Vic is known in the NFL fan world as... well, as an idiot. His nose is so firmly placed up the backside of Jacksonville's management it's starting to sport Jaguar spots.
Take Vic's most recent article on the upcoming Jags v. Colts game:
"I don't doubt they've been planning all year for this game. I don't know if they're our Hatfields, but we're certainly their McCoys. I'm certain it's a game they feel is pivotal for them," Polian said in his "The Polian Corner" column on Colts.com.
It's a curious comment because it could find its way onto the Jaguars' "bulletin board."
Vic, baby, listen to me for a second. If the Jaguars need a comment like that from Bill Polian in order to get something on their bulletin board, then they might as well not even suit up and play.
They've already lost.
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Seriously, is there anything, ANYTHING, in Polian's statement that disrespects, demeans, or insults the Jaguars? If you know anything about the Colts and Jaguars you know that if there is any disrespect, it always comes from the Jags. Last year, Jags defensive end Reggie Hayward said, "Screw the Colts!" when asked by a reporter to talk about their division rival. Mike Peterson has made it his personal mission to insult the Colts each and every time they play because they dumped him in favor of Cato June in 2003.
By the way Mike, Cato made the Pro Bowl last year. I still haven't seen you there. Maybe if you were, you know, better than Cato, we'd have kept you. Maybe if you'd, you know, TACKLED Curtis Martin in playoff game against the Jets in 2002, a game where Curtis ran over Mike repeatedly in route to a 41-0 Jets romp of the Colts, we'd have kept you. Since you sucked harder than Paris Hilton in a LA night club, the Colts had to let you go.
That's just how it works, Mike.
So Vic, if there's any team that has plenty of bulletin board material, it's the Colts. However, the Colts have rarely needed such childish crap in order to get ready for a game. This is a division game against a tough opponent. If that does not get you ready, then perhaps you should think of a career change.
Listen, I expect a certain amount of homerism from people who work for the team they cover. I enjoy Bob Lamey a great deal on Colts.com and on the radio, but it's obvious he's a big Colts fan. However, despite Lamey's homerism, you don't see him speaking or saying the same dumb stuff Ketchman has spewed over at Jaguars.com.
And just for the record: No Vic, the Jaguars are not the Colts top rival, no matter how desperately the Jags want them to be. New England is. Sorry, but when the Jaguars win three Super Bowls (like New England) and are able to compete with the Colts (like New England), then maybe you can be considered their top rival (like New England). However, when you are 2-8 lifetime against the Colts, it's kind of hard to see your team as more of a rival than the Patriots.
That's just how it works, Vic.