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The Patriots are just like the Nazis

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Yes folks, the pro football team that resides in New England is just like the German National Socialist Party, aka the Nazis. When we Colts fans call the Patriots Nazis, by God we mean it! Not only do the Patriots lie, cheat, and steal in order to gain power (just like the Nazis) but they are willing to round up anyone and everyone who does not agree that Tom Brady is the Übermensch and scream at them with harsh language. Don't believe me? Tell a Patriots fan that Peyton Manning is the greatest QB of all time (or, tell a tongue-in-cheek joke that goes over their heads), and you'll get this kind of reaction:

Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein!

I'm sure you're all aware that, like the Nazis (who burned the Reichstag), the Patriots tried to burn down the Pro Football Hall of Fame when the league denied their request to induct Tom Brady into the HOF after Week Four of this season.

And the Patriots aren't like normal Nazis, I might add. The Patriots are like those super Nazis you fight in Castle Wolfenstein, or better: Wolfenstein 3D! You know the ones I mean, with flame throwers attached to their pelvises, grenade launchers on their boots, and fascist chicks running around with Uzis in skin tight leather with Swastikas! Those kind of Nazis:

Patriots football never looked so good.

Even Gillette Stadium kind of resembles Castle Wolfenstein.

My God, it's uncanny.

Next thing you know, we'll find out Bob Kraft is the leader of a secret Nazi cult trying to raise Heinrich Himmler, Herrmann Goering, and Steve Grogan from the dead so they can come into the game in the fourth quarter and pour it on the Colts even more.  I DON'T CARE THAT GROGAN ISN'T DEAD YET! It's the Patriots. They can do anything!

They're Nazis. Super Nazis. Evil-Dead-Grenade-Totting-Super-Zombie Nazis. With cups and mouth pieces. There's no hope of stopping them unless Dungy can have one of his secret meetings with Jesus, where the Almighty will give Tony D the Spear of Destiny so that he may slay the vile serpent of the pit known as Beelzee-chick. That's the kind of game this is becoming, folks: Nazis, zombies, spears, ghosts, torture castles, Satan, and Jesus... all on a football field. Somebody invite Billy Graham.

Dear Jesus, tell us how to beat those evil, Nazi Patriots.