SE: Hello there, welcome to Survivor: The Injured List, I'm your host, Steve Emtman. Over the last few months we've watched as this group has battled through challenges, formed alliances, and taken every precautionary measure known to man all for one purpose: To stay off of the injured list.
As the weeks have gone by, we've seen player after player betrayed by their body in the challenges. Heavy favorite, Peyton Manning was was knocked out in the (bursa) Sack Race. Darkhorse Tyjuan Hagler was knocked off in the Feats of Strength competion. And of course, who can forget how Marvin Harrison was disqualified after some accusations arose during the Philadelphia Hide & Seek Challenge.
Finally, after all the challenges and all the pain that's come along with it, we're down to our final two contestants. To my right, is Gijon Robinson.
GR: Hey, wouldn't it make more sense if we weren't doing this game where all we do is injure ourselves?
SE: That's a stupid question. Weren't you ever told not to ask stupid questions.
GR: Well I learned in school that there's no such thing as a stupid question.
SE: Where'd you go to school again?
SE: [Glares at Gijon]
GR: ...Missouri Western State.
SE: Exxxxactly. Now, on my left is our other finalist, Adam Vinatieri. Gentlemen-
AV: Steve, I hate to interrupt, but I'd really like to know the answer to Gijon's question. I think a legit question that deserves an answer.
SE: I guess you didn't learn about stupid questions either. Where'd you go to school at?
AV: I went to State!
SE: Which one?
AV: ...South Dakota.
AV: Hey man, don't even start knocking on the Jackrabbits! [At least we cover a whole state! None of that western part of Missouri garbage.
GR: Psssht, the western part of Missouri has more cool stuff than South and North Dakota COMBINED!
AV: Oh, that's it!
[Slap fight ensues]
SE: Alright you two, break it up. You're going to need to save your energy for the final elimination challenge.
To determine our Survivor, you two will engage in an old fashioned game of Roshambo!
GR: Um, is that even legal?
SE: Quiet, Missouri Western. I should punish you for another stupid question, but since I'm a forgiving man, I'll stick with the rules and allow you to kick first since you finished first in last week's ACLerator challenge. You can start in 5...4...3...2...1...
GR: [Kicks Adam in the man region.]
ARRRRRRRRRGHHHHH!!!!!! OH MY FOOT! I THINK I JUST BROKE IT IN FOUR PLACES! WHAT DO YOU HAVE DOWN THERE? BALLS OF STEEL?
AV: What else would you expect?
SE: Adam, it's now your turn.
GR: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold up! Timeout! That's not even fair, man. He's a kicker! This is what he gets paid to do for a living!
SE: Those are the rules, man.
AV: How's South Dakota lookin' now, sucka?
GR: I take it back! All of it! Just don't raise that foo-
AV: [Kicks Gijon in the man region. Gijon immediately passes out.]
Alright, so what do I get now that I'm the winner?
SE: You get to play Devin Hester!
AV: Can I play roshambo against myself?