Image genius courtesy of colts9318rock
My friend John Oehser always has genuinely nice things to say about Vic Ketchman, who has about the same job at Jaguars.com that John had at Colts.com. I'm sure Vic is a nice guy, and I'm sure he is very good at his job. Maybe, some day, Vic and I can grab a beer, sit down on a couple of comfy bar stools, and make fun of each other in a jovial, easy-going manner.
However, until that day, I must do what every honest, passionate Colts fans always does during an NFL regular season: Make fun of Vic Ketchman's stupid comments at Jaguars.com.
In his most recent Power Rankings article, Vic ranked the Florida Gators the #1 team in the NFL.
Yes, you read that correctly. It wasn't a typo on Vic's part. It wasn't a logo screw-up or a webmaster getting the College Top-25 mixed up with pro football's team rankings. This was Vic being "cute" with his writing, somehow suggesting a team of boys under the age of 21 are better than any team in the NFL comprised mostly of 30 year old men.
Even Vic's comment line on ranking Florida #1 in the NFL is humorous, in a sort of sad "Awwwww, it's he just a silly-willy" kind of way.
Gators win with defense.
In other news, Peyton Manning set an NFL record yesterday, throwing 15 touchdown passes in one game against the Vic Ketchman #1 ranked Flordia Gators "defense." Also during the game, Tim Tebow was rushed off the field for emergency surgery after Colts safety Bob Sanders hit him so hard his jock strap shot up into his throat. Early reports say Tebow is fine and resting comfortably with Florida coach Urban Meyer by his side, personally changing his bed pan on a regular basis.
Seriously folks, the Jaguars are so bad right now, Vic cannot even promote them on their own site. He's got to promote the University of Florida to get people's attention. Cue dumpster fire pic:
Anyway, no Vic Ketchman article, no matter how large or stupid, is complete without Vic taking an unnecessary and childish shot at the Colts. It's like having a root beer float, but without the root beer. It's Jimmy Johnson, but without the hair gell. It's Joe Buck, sans douche.
In his (hehehe, I'm sorry, I laugh every time I think of this next word in association with Vic Ketchman) "rankings," Vic has the Giants, Saints, and Vikings ahead of the Colts, who are the highest ranked AFC team on his board. The Saints are 4-0, and did not play this past week. So, ranking them ahead of the 5-0 Colts seems a little, well, stupid. But hey, I can let that go. Both NY and Minny are 5-0 as well. No problem seeing them ranked ahead.
What I find humorous is Vic's comment line next to his #5 ranking of Indy:
Why were they passing late in the game?
Oh! Oh! I know why, Vic! I know!
It's because the Colts like to run up the score on crappy teams, padding the stat line so they can get their Pro Bowl bids in early because all the Colts care about is padding stats, disrespecting opponents, and looking "cool" rather than winning. I mean, everyone knows just how classless and crass the Colts organization is, from Peyton Manning to Bob Sanders to quarterbacks coach Frank Reich to the hotdog vendor named Sal who stiffs Jags fans at Colts games by charging an extra 50 cents for mustard. (OK, the last part was full of it, but so is Vic Ketchman).
Did I get that right, Vic?
Ahhhhh Vic. It's always fun to take your hopeless fan drivel, turn it upside down, and wedgie it to death. Maybe, one day, you'll come up with some new material I can pick apart and slice up, like the Seahawks did to the Jaguars "defense" this past Sunday. Maybe one day, Vic won't use the same tired talking points that were old three years ago.
Until then, we will continue to enjoy the comic genius at Jaguars.com known as Vic Ketchman. Oh, and yes Vic, the first beer's on me.
[Editor's Note: At 2-3, the Jaguars are certainly not "bad," but after a 41-0 Jags loss to the Seahawks and a Colts 31-9 blowout over the Titans, you'd think Vic would have a little more tact in his article. Thankfully for us, he didn't.]