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Dear Marvin

We love you, but you need to do one of three things:

  • Sign with the Eagles. You'd thrive in a West Coast offense the way Jerry Rice was able to. So many of Rice's stats were padded by those cheap 5 yard slants. You need to get in on that.
  • Re-sign with the Colts for really cheap. Unlikely, since you refused to restructure and, thus, the Colts took a 6 million dollar cap hit in cutting you. But, outside Philly, this is the best place for you right now.
  • Retire. You have nothing to prove. You are a legend. If Peter King thinks otherwise, then he better get used to toilet paper on his lawn. You are one of the greatest WRs ever to play this game, and the best WR of your generation. Go out on top.

Regardless of what decision you make, we still love you. But make up your mind already.

And no, I am not advocating damaging Peter King's lawn. It's a joke. Calm down. Have a donut. Drink some tea. Chiiiiiiiill.