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Jared Bets the NFL Week 5

NFL: OCT 04 Colts at Bears Photo by Robin Alam/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

This is not gambling advice. Gamble at your own risk.

I would just like to thank the Tennessee Titans for costing me time. I counted my wins and losses from last week three times until I realized “Oh, right. The Titans are a bunch of selfish, insecure sissy-babies. They ruined football for themselves for a week and possibly the season.”

I was 10-15 last week or 66% correct with the spread in Week 4.

We were correct 31 out of 48 games going into Week 4, and that means we are now 41/63 or correct about 65% of the time. If we were doing this picking winners heads up (my wife and I make a YouTube video where we bicker and pick winners of each NFL game — that there’s this week’s picks), I’ve also picked 40 of 48 winners correctly this year with video to back it up. Be warned of language. Le sigh.

Let’s get to this week’s picks. All lines from DraftKings.

THURSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL

Buccaneers -3.5 vs. BEARS +3.5

Simply, the QB situation in Chicago leaves me no choice but to take the Bucs on the road.

Cardinals -7 vs. JETS +7

Teams I perceive as weak but winning on the road tend not to do it by much. Bet accordingly.

Rams -7.5 vs. WAS +7.5

I think it’s the Rams that bounce back from a poor offensive outing (17 points in Week 4) to just blow out the Washington football team on the road.

Eagles +7 vs. STEELERS -7

I’m confused about the Eagles, and I think the Steelers are both better and at home.

Raiders +11.5 vs. CHIEFS -11.5

I’m not in love with this spread. I’d take the Chiefs by say, 10?

Panthers +1.5 vs. FALCONS -1.5

I couldn’t decide who to pick in the video above, either, but Atlanta is going to win eventually, right?

Jaguars +5.5 vs. TEXANS -5.5

Another spread I’m not in love with. I’ll take the Jaguars to win straight up.

Bengals +12 vs. RAVENS -12

I want Joe Burrow to lift the Bengals as an organization, but they aren’t beating the Ravens this week.

Dolphins +9 vs. 49ERS -9

I am taking the 49ers and to win by a lot because they’re at home, the better team and Miami had to fly across the country this week to get a butt-whoopin’?

Giants +9 vs. COWBOYS -9

I may have played the fool too many times in regards to the Cowboys, so I’ll just bet they win straight up.

Colts -1 vs. BROWNS +1

I think this could be the game of the week and a 38-35 game or the Colts stifle the Browns on offense and win 28-10 on the road. 4-1 either way!

Vikings +7 vs. SEAHAWKS -7

Another spread I’m not in love with. I think the Seahawks win, but it’s close or the Vikings upset.

Chargers +7.5 vs. SAINTS -7.5

Again, I hate that I’m not in love enough to do anything but take the Saints to win straight up.

Here’s what I’d do. I’d pick winners for each contest and then rank each outcome by how confident you are in the outcome. Then, take the 2-4 games you are most confident and if you are going to bet, place a parlay bet, make sure you confirm the odds from pick to bet, and good luck!