Jared Bets the NFL Week 13

This is not gambling advice. Please gamble at your own risk. If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling 1-800-GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) (IL). Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER (NJ/WV/PA), 1-800-9-WITH-IT (IN), 1-800-522-4700 (CO), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), or TN REDLINE: 800-889-9789 (TN). 21+.

Every week during the NFL season, I put out an article just like detailing every game through the lens of someone willing to bet on the outcomes. Going in to last week, I was 92/157, good for 58.6% correct betting the games with the lines included. My goal for this season is to bet correctly more than 55% of the time, so another strong week would keep us on pace to meet our goal. We were 8/14 last week, good for 100/171 or 58.47% correct meaning you all should be making money off of me by now! Any margin of victory more than 5% is one you can reliably bet on. Starting with myself.

Let’s get to the games.

THERE WAS NO THURSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL.

Sunday (Sunday! SUNDAY!)

Saints -3 vs. FALCONS

If you told me you legitimately thought the Falcons were going to blow out the Raiders last week, I’d have told you to prove it. Look, the Falcons are bad. The Saints are not. The Saints should win this game and cover. There. I’m saying it.

Lions +3 vs. BEARS

I might have pulled for Matt Stafford to get it done, but Stephen Reed told me about them releasing a wide receiver and I can’t do it. The Bears win and I didn’t say it would be pretty.

Browns +5.5 vs. TITANS

I’m very confident that the Titans can be beat at the line of scrimmage and with a strong run game and defensive line, the Browns are a Playoff caliber team that might not make it. They need this win. The Titans haven’t played anyone. Run tell that.

Bengals +10.5 vs. DOLPHINS

You have to line up and play the games, but the Dolphins are the better team and you couldn’t make me bet for the Bungles to do anything other than just that.

Jaguars +10 vs. VIKINGS

This is another game I think is over on paper, but you have to line up and play, so we shall see if the Jags can keep up offensively. The Vikings are consistent if anything.

Raiders -8.5 vs. JETS

As Stephen Reed said, “Wouldn’t it be interesting if Gase beat Gruden?” It won’t happen, but what if it did?

Colts -3.5 vs. TEXANS

There are parts of me that would take the Colts -6 here, that’s how strongly I feel about them, but since it’s just -3.5 I’m good with that, too, I guess. Go Colts!

Rams -3 vs. CARDINALS

Here’s the thing about the Rams. I don’t trust them, just like I don’t trust the amount of product in Sean McVay’s hair or that Jared Goff isn’t a sinewy surfer dude turned pro quarterback. Kyler Murray, though? That kid’s a dog.

Giants +11 vs. SEAHAWKS

For being YET ANOTHER trash team from the NFC East, the Giants have kept some games interesting, I’ll say that. The Seahawks do the same crap, but maybe not this week at home against a sub-par opponent?

Eagles +8.5 vs. PACKERS

I can’t imagine still being an Eagles fan. I’d have jumped ship. There are other teams! The Packers are a team you don’t want to see when you don’t know who you are anymore.

Patriots +1.5 vs. CHARGERS

Stephen noted Coach Bill’s record against rookie quarterbacks and I raise that Justin Herbert is no ordinary rookie quarterback and thus.

Broncos +13.5 vs. CHIEFS

I don’t like this line and that probably means it’s accurate. There’s that? I have nothing to say of interest. Chiefs win?

MONDAY NIGHT GAMES START AT 5pm?

Washington +7 vs. STEELERS

I say the same thing that Stephen Reed does on Afternoon Pancakes. The Steelers continue to not have played anyone even after they win this week against actually a pretty decent Washington team all things considered.

Bills -1 vs. 49ers

The 49ers have lost me. They’re another LA Rams team to me. I don’t trust the amount of product in Jimmy G’s hair and thus, the Bills win.

FOOTBALL GAMES ON TUESDAY NOW?

Cowboys +7 vs. RAVENS

There are specific games of interest, but largely this week is awful. Bet accordingly. Ravens win by a lot.

All the other social media sites suck, so follow me on Twitter.