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Colts Ranked as Having the NFL’s 25th (Tied) Best Press Box Food Spread

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Spicy mustard is added to a dog with chili next to another dog with chili and horseradish sauce at D Photo by Jill Brady/Portland Press Herald via Getty Images

According to The Athletic’s Zak Keefer (subscription), the Indianapolis Colts at the friendly confines of Lucas Oil Stadium have the league’s 25th (tied) best press box food spread in a ranking compiled by fellow NFL writers:

25(T). Indianapolis Colts

A shame such a gorgeous venue like Lucas Oil Stadium hasn’t stepped it up when it comes to press box fare. For 1 p.m. games, it’s usually soggy eggs and sausage links I wouldn’t touch with a 10-foot pole. For late afternoon or night games, the menu has improved in recent years, but Indy is still lagging behind Houston and Nashville in the division. The real disappointment? There’s no local flavor. Why not pork tenderloin sandwiches? Or a shrimp cocktail station featuring St. Elmo’s signature sauce? That would be a big draw, especially for the out-of-town writers. I’m probably not an objective assessor here, but at least I have my reasons: a chili dog I had a few years back during halftime of a Colts game came back up a few hours later. I still made the deadline that day, but it wasn’t easy.

Also of note: It’s hard to screw up pizza. This press box does.

Grade: D

— Keefer

I can’t vouch that I’ve ever had a Lucas Oil chili dog (particularly a toxic one), but Keefer makes some great points regarding the apparent lack of local authentic Indiana flavors.

No St. Elmo’s? Pork tenderloin sandwiches? Or even Shapiro’s Deli?

What gives?

Even the pizza is bad? Nooooooo! (This sounds more like Dante Inferno’s 4th circle of hell than a Colts game).

Okay, so maybe Indianapolis doesn’t have a wide array of local cuisine compared to some of its competition to exactly choose from (i.e., there isn’t like Texas/Kansas City BBQ or Nashville hot chicken), but an unappetizing (and soggy) looking breakfast at 1 p.m. doesn’t sound like a very appealing option either.

The good news is that the Colts didn’t necessarily finish last in the AFC South—as they are tied with the Jacksonville Jaguars at #25, but the bad news is that both the Houston Texans (T-2nd) and Tennessee Titans ranked much higher (T-11th) respectively.

Like this year’s Colts team for wins, their local media members may be ‘hungry’—and given the rumored Lucas Oil press box food options (comprising half of their games), it’s pretty easy to understand why.